10 Ways PUAs and Pickup Theory Can Improve Your Life
I have been a fan of pickup theory and social dynamics since those first hormones hit as a teenager and I wanted to know how to increase my success with women. Back then it seemed like some magical way to interact with women and see more success in relationships. As I have gotten older, I realize that it is not magic but just common sense.
Many people bash the so-called “pickup and seduction community” without really knowing much about it. It’s unjustly called manipulation, trickery, and hypnosis; all of which imply that women are helpless victims to sleazy pickup artists. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Women are always in control and very much so have the power of choice at all times. The reason that men seem to take off and start to get success in their dating lives after learning and applying pickup is for one predominant reason only: pickup and seduction theories teach a massive amount of personal development. This makes a man more attractive and therefore much more likely to attract a female.
For the most part, it teaches men that are a little less socially and emotionally agile to become more skilled in these areas, which are usually lagging far behind the social skill and prowess that many women possess naturally.
I mention mostly men, but there are also many women that study pickup theory to benefit their own lives. In addition, most women who witness men putting pickup theory into action usually realize that not only should it not be deemed sleazy, but encouraged. When it comes down to it, it’s just a way of getting really good at basic social skills: meeting new people, forming new friendships, flirting, and building relationships.
I love pickup because it teaches constant self-improvement and consciously choosing to make yourself a more attractive and well-rounded person. Is there really any other way to live your life and get ahead?
Here are 10 things about pickup in theory and in action that I feel have helped tremendously in my own personal development:
1. It teaches you to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. How are you ever going to accomplish anything if you are always inside? You have to come out at some point to go places, meet people, and LIVE LIFE. Believe it or not just doing this alone can really boost your social and dating life.
2. You become a more social being. How many times have you gone out and not talked to a single person you didn’t know? I’ve had problems with being too introverted in the past, but every time I go out now I expect an adventure. I generously talk to strangers. I may meet the most interesting person I’ve ever met, learn something new, or make an awesome new friend just because I went out and randomly started talking to somebody on a particular night.
3. You lose any social anxiety or fear you may have had. On the tail of the last one, the key to becoming a social person is losing any fear or hang-ups you may have had about being more social in the first place. To many people, approaching a group of people you don’t know can be as terrifying as public speaking (because in a way, that’s exactly what it is!). Getting over this fear is a very liberating experience for most people.
4. You learn how to improve your physical attractiveness. A lot of men (and women!) are just a few small touches away from being very good-looking. They just don’t know how to present themselves. Pickup doctrine gives many tips and tricks to improve your looks: grooming, dress, hygiene, physical fitness, and posture are just a few.
5. You also learn how to be more attractive by developing and conveying your personality. Storytelling is probably the most important skill covered here. A big complaint about the pickup community is that they teach memorize stories and routines. In reality, this is just a way of giving shy guys who have no clue what to say to a group of people something interesting to talk about. The learning lesson is in breaking down why the stories or routines are good and applying the format and building blocks to your own life and making your own stories more interesting. This subject could very well warrant its own article from me in the near future.
6. You are taught to pursue your dreams and be what you really want to be. Who is more attractive? The guy who has given up on his dream and works the office job he hates or the guy who is passionately pursuing an acting career even though he hasn’t broken through or had real success yet? I’d be willing to bet that the latter can speak with more passion and enthusiasm about what he’s doing than the former. Passion and enthusiasm about what you do are very attractive qualities. Nuff said.
7. You become a master of reading social cues. This is one of my favorite subjects. Body language, language patterns, verbal jousting, flirting, and many other subtle but VERY IMPORTANT ways that humans communicate with or without words are covered here. More importantly you begin to understand sub-communication. I can usually read by a woman’s body language alone if she’s interested, attracted, bored, or cold to me and what I’m saying within the first couple of minutes of meeting her. I couldn’t have said this with confidence ten years ago. And this is just one example.
8. You learn the importance of inner game. Much more important than outer game, inner game is the process you take to really build your self-esteem and confidence. You learn to like yourself for who you are and really see the value that you can bring to others lives. For many people, a lack of confidence and self-belief is one of the biggest stumbling blocks they have to achieving ANY thing in their lives, let alone social and dating skills.
9. You learn how to handle rejection and failure. In making any attempt to learn social skills and approach people for the first time, there will be stumbling blocks along the way. There can be plenty of rejection, especially in the beginning. Pickup theory teaches that this should be reframed or viewed from a different perspective. Instead of an approach gone bad being referred to as a “crash-and-burn”, it’s called a “crash-and-learn”. The thing to realize is that nobody can possibly reject your value and worth as a person off of your approach alone. They simply reject the approach itself. The importance of this attitude is vital to someone trying to develop any skill in life, especially social skills. The results of any approach, good or bad, should be considered feedback. Learn from them all and try to repeat the process, improving each time.
10. Life becomes more fun! It’s so much more fun to go out and meet new people as often as possible instead of hum-drumming around the house EVERY night. Each night you go out becomes an adventure. That new social circle or special someone is out there just waiting for you to approach and show them how awesome you are. It’s up to you to get out there and do it.
Clark
Have you seen your MOTIVATION today?
Alrighty, it’s time for another episode of Clark’s blog. I’ve taken a couple of days off to refresh and now I feel ready to write. Sometimes it can be a challenge to come up with a good topic to write about even though this is world is full of things to talk about!
My topic today is motivation. What motivates you to push yourself to accomplish your goals and dreams? If you can’t answer that question, you’ve got some soul-searching to do. Do you ever start off doing something with a full head of steam and charge right out of the gates? You probably even make good progress to start with. Then maybe things slow down to a more stagnant pace and you start to lose some of that enthusiasm and energy you had when you started. It happens to all of us. It even happened to me this week when I thought of writing a couple of days and then decided against it. Instead of going only a week with one blog entry though, I decided it would be better to push myself to write one night even if I didn’t want to. Thankfully, tonight I did.
How did I overcome the lull in my enthusiasm and motivation? Well, first of all I reminded myself of my goals and what I want to achieve. I reminded myself what I have to do to get there. But I believe that most importantly, I fed myself some motivational material. I think this is key to reviving a drop-off or plateau in your energy level. In addition to thinking about your goals and what you want to achieve, expose yourself to someone or something that motivates and inspires you. Maybe even something that makes you angry or fired up enough to take action.
For example, I saw The Dark Knight today. It was an EXCELLENT film. I walked out of that theater just like the little kid who wants to jump off rooftops, fight the bad guys, and BE Batman. Watching a 3 hour film gave me quite the energy boost. An even better example of a movie I saw recently was Wanted. Even though there was a lot of crudeness to that movie (and trust me, it was vanilla compared to the comic book), I loved the underlying message. A guy, who becomes so fed up with his boring and ordinary life that he decides to take matters into his own hands and become the master of his life that he was destined to be. My favorite line is the last one in the whole movie, minus the expletive of course: “What have you done with your life lately?”
I walked out of that theater ready to work and write until I couldn’t stand it any more.
Movies are just one way you can give yourself a good kick in the butt to jump start your desire again. I love to read inspirational books, stories, and web sites. Think and Grow Rich, The Power of Positive Thinking, anything related to the law of attraction, and a good Larry Winget book (this guy tells it like it is) are always helpful.
Another way to do it is to create an air or illusion of competition. “How do I do that?” you may say? Create an enemy. Michael Jordan was the king of this. He kept that mental edge on the basketball court because he maintained a chip on his shoulder since the time he got cut from the varsity team in high school. I’ve read many stories of him blowing something an opponent said out of proportion, or fabricating an insult just to get himself fired up and motivated for the next game. He had something to prove and if it will pump you up to throw yourself headlong into your goals then create your own enemy to push your limits, grow and succeed. Coke has Pepsi. Pizza Hut has Papa John’s. I have Steve Pavlina. I say that half-jokingly because I’m a huge admirer of his website and his body of work. But if I’m dragging a little bit some days and I don’t feel like writing, I bring up his website and check out what he’s doing. I pretend my website is going head-to-head against his and it always seems to give me that boost I need to get creative, write something awesome, and post it here.
On the same token, use that “enemy” as an inspiration and model them as well. If that person has achieved as much or more than you, appreciate their efforts and successes and remind yourself that the same is possible for you. Steve Pavlina is once again excellent for me here. The guy has achieved so much with his personal development blog. He’s got a book coming out, which I have no doubt will be excellent like his site has been for years now. That’s an inspiration for me as a new blogger about what is possible if I apply myself and continue to learn and grow and offer value to others. Who is the person in your world that you can use as inspiration to push through a dry spell and keep your freight train of success on the tracks?
So to recap, use these steps to pick yourself up if your desire starts to lull a bit:
1. Ask yourself what your goals and desires are. Remind yourself of those things you want and why you want them. Imagine having them and act as if you are going to get them no matter what. Start fanning those flames of your hunger for success when they get low.
2. Feed yourself motivational material. Watch a movie that gets you fired up to succeed. Read that book about the law of attraction or a success story. Consume media that makes you want to take action NOW.
3. Create an air of competition. Do you have a competitor or an “enemy”? If not then make one up. Tell yourself that this person is doing everything in their power to achieve more and better success than you and dares you to do something about it. Get pumped up and let the energy carry you through your routine with more gusto than ever.
4. Get inspired by another person. It may even be your “enemy”, but admire this person’s success and model the ways they got there. Feed off of their enthusiasm in order to renew your own. Let the new ideas from your newfound inspiration come forward and do your best to implement them ASAP.
5. If all else fails, take a little time off and then come back with a renewed passion. Then wash, rinse, and repeat the steps above.
We all feel a little under the weather sometimes. The key is not to stay there for too long and when you realize you’re there to do something about it quickly. Desire + Motivation + Focus + Action = Success. Out of those four components that equal success, the first three will wane considerably from time to time. It is up to you to take CONSISTENT action steadfastly in spite of this to keep yourself moving in the right direction. Sometimes the action is best spent re-fueling the other three. Keep yourself moving. Do what is necessary to succeed.
Clark
Weather the storm and Reap the Rewards
I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend! I sure did. I went to upstate New York, relaxed, played some tennis, got some sun, and went out to a few night spots in the Syracuse area. I was pretty tired from the travel but I really enjoyed it and I feel refreshed.
You may have noticed how I mentioned an employment opportunity that was re-presenting itself in an earlier post. I’m happy to say that I have now accepted the job and will start next week. Many of my other ventures are also looking up as I learn, apply, and refine my approach to doing things. I feel very optimistic and invigorated to push myself towards more success in all areas of my life. I still intend to post to my blog and work on my other ventures as often as possible, so I don’t see this job as a roadblock to my passion but only as an enhancement. In not so many words, things are going really well for me right now. Prosperity appears to be flowing in from all directions.
I couldn’t have said that last month. I was going through a rough patch in all areas of my life, especially my wealth area. I’ve gotten to where I am right now by persevering through the rough times. I’m sure if you’re reading this you can relate. One of the best pieces of advice my father gave me (I might even say it was the best) when I was having a bad day or stretch was this: “No matter how bad today is, just get through it and go at it again tomorrow. It will all be better tomorrow.” No matter how much of his advice I may have dumped in favor of my own methods and ways of doing things, I have always come back to this one. Its truth and power are universal. I know how many of you are probably saying “Well what if tomorrow isn’t better? What if tomorrow is worse than today?” This is the part where you repeat that line and keep going.
I have had some awful periods in my life. I’ve had some times where things were down right painful and nasty sometimes. I’ve had bouts of illness, family problems, poverty, relationship troubles, and all kinds of other bad times where I just didn’t know what road life was leading me down. Following this advice and repeating that line to myself (even when I didn’t want to say it or even believe it) has gotten me through my troubles time and again. Not only that but once out the other side of my trials and tribulations, I noticed that my outlook seemed to be better and brighter than ever before.
This is the cycle that life throws you. You will have some good days and some bad days. You’ll have to accept both. An important thing to remember is to appreciate the good days and stay optimistic during the bad. You also have to stay hungry and focused on what you want during both. Don’t get lazy during prosperous times and discouraged during a drought. This is an easy road to nowhere.
There is a pain period that comes any time you are trying to achieve a lofty goal. It’s the pain that comes with disappointment, failure, setbacks, losing, rejection, and anything that puts you behind the curve on your way to the top. We all know how it feels to lose the big game, be rejected by the opposite sex, get hit with an unexpected expense, or get sick at exactly the wrong time. These are examples of the pain period. Life could not seem worse at these moments. How you handle these pain periods in your life determines the rewards that life will give you in return.
Are you the type of person who coasts through these times discouraged, down on yourself, and not making a conscious effort to fight your way back out and back onto the road you choose? If so then the answer on how to improve your life lies in that very question.
An example from my life is easily the way things have been for me these past few months. Money has been low and doubt has been high. I actually handled it pretty weakly the first month or so. After some low and lower points, I started to get motivated and dream about some of my goals again. I started imagining how happy it would make me to do the things I want to do, to pursue the projects I want to make a reality in my life. I became determined to pursue my goals and dreams during this time, no matter how hard things were. This blog was born of that passion, as was a renewed drive to go after some of my other internet ventures that I had lost focus on. I am still going through the pain period for these now. But I have seen even the smallest signs of growth already and that is encouraging me to push forward with more fire and determination than ever. I have big dreams and lofty aspirations for this blog and every thing else I am pursuing right now and that is what drives me to learn and get better EVERY day of my life.
This is a small example, but one that you can easily look at and relate to. What is plaguing you in your life? Health, Wealth, or Relationships? Personal Development? Have you set a goal and it seems like you are walking through quicksand to get to it? This is common. This is where the power of persistence comes in. I titled this article the way I did because it is a very accurate metaphor.
Imagine yourself in a boat on a long journey. You are making your way through what seems to be a vast and almost endless ocean. A huge storm sets in with no sign of letting up. Your boat is rocking and being beat about like an afterthought. You may even capsize a few times. You may lose the boat. What will you do to complete your journey?
I can tell you what 99% of everybody on this planet does. They give up. They turn back, or even worse; they drown. It’s the 1% who toughs it out, who will flip the boat over and get back in, or even swim through that ocean if they have to, who see all the rewards in this world. They make it through the storm and see how sunny it is on the other side and realize that things weren’t that bad to start with and, had they just given up and not fought through it they would not have made it to their destination. This gives them all the courage and motivation they ever need to continue to fight through these storms time and again for the rest of their lives, daring the storm to keep someone who will not be denied from their destination.
Some points to remember as you approach the storms in your life:
1. Remember that it’s always sunnier on the other side. Things can seem very difficult and they are, but don’t get discouraged. Do anything and everything to stay motivated during these times. Surround yourself with SUCCESS and let your drive and persistence handle the rest.
2. Once you’re in the clear, don’t get complacent and think that it’s over. You can’t rest on your laurels. You just handled a challenge in your life, overcame it, and now you are reaping the rewards. Enjoy this time briefly, but don’t lose your focus to keep on going. This is a time to celebrate, but not a time to settle.
3. Once you are the king or queen of your mountain, plant your flag and do what you must to STAY there. The only thing harder than getting to the top is staying at the top. If you don’t have people gunning for your #1 spot, then sometimes you might even sabotage yourself. Remember all those obstacles you’ve cleared to get to where you’re at. Appreciate what you’ve learned from those times and let that pain drive you to succeed and accomplish even more.
4. When things start to go bad, remind yourself that it’s just a cycle. This is LIFE. There are predictable and repeatable patterns to it always. It doesn’t matter how much technology is developed or how much things change. It doesn’t matter if you have money, are in great shape physically, and have tons of great friends. You will have cycles of prosperity followed by cycles of challenges and/or obstacles. This is the way things always have been and always will be. The good news is that if you approach your challenges correctly, then the cycles of prosperity can grow immensely each time you overcome the tough spots.
When all else fails, go back to the best piece of advice my father ever gave me: “No matter how bad today is, just get through it and go at it again tomorrow. It will all be better tomorrow.”
Be the captain of the ship that is your life, weather your personal storms, and make it to that tropical paradise on the other side. I’ll see you there.
Clark
Recharge your batteries
I’m taking this weekend off from blogging to help a friend with some moving. This is the same friend who’s helped me so much with my clutter lately. I’ll be heading up to New York with him tomorrow to help move some things from his storage unit and return the favor by helping him unload some of his clutter. I have really been focused on my writing and promoting the site, so I’ve felt a bit overwhelmed lately. This is my most serious and successful attempt at running a blog yet! Also, a promising employment opportunity that I thought may have slipped away appears to have shown its head again and I’m eager to see what good things may come of it.
This provides an excellent topic of discussion. When you are seriously getting into personal development or just working hard in general, sometimes it’s good to sit back and reflect upon what you have done, rest a bit and then get back at it. Of course, make sure you take breaks throughout the day (or night..I’ve been a shift-worker before!), take a ten-minute break and take a short walk or just stretch out a bit.
What I’m talking about is refreshing yourself a bit more often by getting away for more extended periods of time. Just forget about what you’ve been doing for a bit and reboot your mental computer. My personal preference (even though I don’t always get to stick to it myself) is to get away or go out for at least a day on my own each week. If all is well, in addition to that I try to take some kind of long weekend (or longer) getaway at least once every three months. This habit will really free you up and make you a more productive and efficient worker when you return.
The United States has a bad habit (some might even say tradition) of overworking. Japan is probably just as bad in some ways. I just read a Yahoo article the other day about a Toyota executive who literally worked himself to death. Many countries in Europe have a tradition of taking breaks often and it really aids in their production and efficiency.
Do you ever feel so overloaded with information at work that you just start to shut down? It is essentially like your brain really is a computer that has just overloaded its RAM and starts to run slower and slower. Multitasking can expedite this process. There have been studies that have shown that multitasking creates more ineffectiveness and lower cognitive efficiency than smoking pot does.
This brings me to an even more important case study. Men’s Health magazine did a study a few years back. One of their writers took an extended vacation of 30+ days. He came back feeling refreshed and said he gained major improvements in memory and energy because of the vacation. Taking time off can also help you get recharged and re-enthused to return to work and go at it harder than ever.
So go out and enjoy yourself at least one day this weekend. Take a road trip to some interesting place nearby that you’ve been meaning to see but just haven’t made the time. Get together with friends. Take your mind off of work for a bit and really enjoy yourself.
Also start thinking about the possibility of taking time off in the near future on a long weekend or even putting those vacation days to good use and taking a REAL vacation. Once you do this you’ll feel better in every facet of your life, and come back a new person with a renewed vigor and passion for whatever tasks await you.
Take a much-deserved break. You’ve earned it.
Clark
Take back your life by kicking clutter’s A$$
Okay, I had a few ideas swimming through my head for what to write about today. But I have been writing about some more serious topics for the last week or so and I wanted to have a little more fun. This is something that I’ve been doing lately as well, so it’s definitely on the brain as of late.
Clutter. We all have it at some point and just don’t think about it. My house has been very cluttered for the last year. My grandmother’s house is very SCARY. I love her to death, but her place has always been a bit cluttered. The last time I went there a few months ago, I could barely get around the house. This place is huge AND it has a large amount of clutter. I realized recently that my place was starting to fill up a bit with a bunch of junk that I just don’t need any more. Then I remembered how her place was and how I would like it NOT to get to that point.
I arrived back from my Iraq deployment over a year ago and left a lot of my gear down in the basement. A good friend has just recently acted out and helped me get motivated to undo this clutter in my house. He helped me clean up and organize my basement and I just notice how much better I feel. I seriously FEEL better PHYSICALLY just because one section of my house is organized, clean, and navigable.
So right in line with my small-chunk approach, I am now working on other areas of my house, a bit at a time. My friend helped me clear out a bunch of old crap, junk furniture, old broken electronics, and other garbage. We loaded it up in his truck, took it out to the dump and threw it into garbage heaven. A large mental weight was lifted at that point. We then came back and organized all my deployment gear and got the basement looking very neat and spiffy. I still have a lot of junk in my basement but now it is organized junk and I am going to be looking at getting rid of a lot of it in the near future via yard sales and eBay.
I also cleaned up and organized my upstairs bedrooms. I have a very workable guest room now that is still being used a little bit for storage, but at least I would have a place for a friend to crash if necessary. Next on the agenda is getting the rest of the house done, a room at a time.
The reason I am posting about this as it relates to personal development is exactly what I wrote earlier. I honestly FELT a hundred times better just after getting a few sections of my home cleaner and more organized. Just think how good I’ll feel when I have the whole place done and into a workable system where I can maintain it!
The point here is that I believe we all have a little clutter in our lives from time to time. Sometimes we notice it right away and clean up. Other times you tend to overlook it and that leaves the possibility of procrastinating, letting it grow, and then just blocking it altogether. I knew there was clutter but I honestly didn’t realize how bad it was affecting me until after we were finished. It’s a very refreshing and accomplished feeling to get your life in order. It motivates me to do more of the same to get more of that feeling as I walk through every part of my home.
Here are a few things you can do to win back your life from the clutches of clutter:
1. Clean and organize one room or area of your home per day. If you have a small house or apartment this won’t take long (lucky you!). If you have a larger home, it can be very overwhelming. The small-chunk approach will help you get past this. Just do one room every day as time permits. If you need help with some things, ask a good friend or family member. Within two weeks, you will have a very organized and workable living space.
2. Throw out, give away, or sell things you know you don’t need. Take all that old crap that has no use to the dump. Give away those clothes you never wear ever to charity (and get a tax deduction slip for it!). Sell those items that have value but that you don’t use by having a yard sale or by putting them up on eBay (and make some extra cash to take yourself out as a reward). Clear up space for yourself!
3. After you finish organizing your house, take a long hard look at it. Would you invite people over for a get-together or a party? If you wouldn’t, keep organizing until you see it as a place where you’d like to hang out. If your organization is good but your house is ugly or unfashionable, get a style-savvy friend’s opinion on where to make improvements. There are also plenty of articles and videos on the internet about home improvement and strengthening the appeal of your home. Making your home comfortable enough to have others over makes it feel twice as comfortable for you.
4. Keep a weekly routine of touching up and cleaning up around your house. Once it’s organized you want it to stay that way! There’s also plenty of ways to work smarter and not harder. Refurbished robotic vacuums are pretty reasonable online these days. A once-a-week cleaning binge will give you the peace of mind that comes with having an organized living space.
5. Start applying this organization mentality to other areas of your life that you KNOW are in need of it. If you need to clean up your office or cubicle, do so and then set up a maintainable, repeatable system to keep it that way.
6. Enjoy your organized and clutter-free life. Take yourself out or throw a party at your place with the money you made from selling your stuff.
Here’s to taking your time to get organized right now so that you can have more time to enjoy life later. Cheers.
Clark
