10 Ways PUAs and Pickup Theory Can Improve Your Life
I have been a fan of pickup theory and social dynamics since those first hormones hit as a teenager and I wanted to know how to increase my success with women. Back then it seemed like some magical way to interact with women and see more success in relationships. As I have gotten older, I realize that it is not magic but just common sense.
Many people bash the so-called “pickup and seduction community” without really knowing much about it. It’s unjustly called manipulation, trickery, and hypnosis; all of which imply that women are helpless victims to sleazy pickup artists. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Women are always in control and very much so have the power of choice at all times. The reason that men seem to take off and start to get success in their dating lives after learning and applying pickup is for one predominant reason only: pickup and seduction theories teach a massive amount of personal development. This makes a man more attractive and therefore much more likely to attract a female.
For the most part, it teaches men that are a little less socially and emotionally agile to become more skilled in these areas, which are usually lagging far behind the social skill and prowess that many women possess naturally.
I mention mostly men, but there are also many women that study pickup theory to benefit their own lives. In addition, most women who witness men putting pickup theory into action usually realize that not only should it not be deemed sleazy, but encouraged. When it comes down to it, it’s just a way of getting really good at basic social skills: meeting new people, forming new friendships, flirting, and building relationships.
I love pickup because it teaches constant self-improvement and consciously choosing to make yourself a more attractive and well-rounded person. Is there really any other way to live your life and get ahead?
Here are 10 things about pickup in theory and in action that I feel have helped tremendously in my own personal development:
1. It teaches you to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. How are you ever going to accomplish anything if you are always inside? You have to come out at some point to go places, meet people, and LIVE LIFE. Believe it or not just doing this alone can really boost your social and dating life.
2. You become a more social being. How many times have you gone out and not talked to a single person you didn’t know? I’ve had problems with being too introverted in the past, but every time I go out now I expect an adventure. I generously talk to strangers. I may meet the most interesting person I’ve ever met, learn something new, or make an awesome new friend just because I went out and randomly started talking to somebody on a particular night.
3. You lose any social anxiety or fear you may have had. On the tail of the last one, the key to becoming a social person is losing any fear or hang-ups you may have had about being more social in the first place. To many people, approaching a group of people you don’t know can be as terrifying as public speaking (because in a way, that’s exactly what it is!). Getting over this fear is a very liberating experience for most people.
4. You learn how to improve your physical attractiveness. A lot of men (and women!) are just a few small touches away from being very good-looking. They just don’t know how to present themselves. Pickup doctrine gives many tips and tricks to improve your looks: grooming, dress, hygiene, physical fitness, and posture are just a few.
5. You also learn how to be more attractive by developing and conveying your personality. Storytelling is probably the most important skill covered here. A big complaint about the pickup community is that they teach memorize stories and routines. In reality, this is just a way of giving shy guys who have no clue what to say to a group of people something interesting to talk about. The learning lesson is in breaking down why the stories or routines are good and applying the format and building blocks to your own life and making your own stories more interesting. This subject could very well warrant its own article from me in the near future.
6. You are taught to pursue your dreams and be what you really want to be. Who is more attractive? The guy who has given up on his dream and works the office job he hates or the guy who is passionately pursuing an acting career even though he hasn’t broken through or had real success yet? I’d be willing to bet that the latter can speak with more passion and enthusiasm about what he’s doing than the former. Passion and enthusiasm about what you do are very attractive qualities. Nuff said.
7. You become a master of reading social cues. This is one of my favorite subjects. Body language, language patterns, verbal jousting, flirting, and many other subtle but VERY IMPORTANT ways that humans communicate with or without words are covered here. More importantly you begin to understand sub-communication. I can usually read by a woman’s body language alone if she’s interested, attracted, bored, or cold to me and what I’m saying within the first couple of minutes of meeting her. I couldn’t have said this with confidence ten years ago. And this is just one example.
8. You learn the importance of inner game. Much more important than outer game, inner game is the process you take to really build your self-esteem and confidence. You learn to like yourself for who you are and really see the value that you can bring to others lives. For many people, a lack of confidence and self-belief is one of the biggest stumbling blocks they have to achieving ANY thing in their lives, let alone social and dating skills.
9. You learn how to handle rejection and failure. In making any attempt to learn social skills and approach people for the first time, there will be stumbling blocks along the way. There can be plenty of rejection, especially in the beginning. Pickup theory teaches that this should be reframed or viewed from a different perspective. Instead of an approach gone bad being referred to as a “crash-and-burn”, it’s called a “crash-and-learn”. The thing to realize is that nobody can possibly reject your value and worth as a person off of your approach alone. They simply reject the approach itself. The importance of this attitude is vital to someone trying to develop any skill in life, especially social skills. The results of any approach, good or bad, should be considered feedback. Learn from them all and try to repeat the process, improving each time.
10. Life becomes more fun! It’s so much more fun to go out and meet new people as often as possible instead of hum-drumming around the house EVERY night. Each night you go out becomes an adventure. That new social circle or special someone is out there just waiting for you to approach and show them how awesome you are. It’s up to you to get out there and do it.
Clark
Top 5 Books about Dating & Relationships for Men
I have been fortunate enough to read some excellent books on this subject, and especially within the last 3 years. If you are a man who wants to know more about dating and relationships and how to be successful in your love life, these are must-reads. So without further ado:
1.
“The Game” by Neil Strauss. This is an excellent book. It is the story of bestselling author Neil Strauss’ journey from being a nerd to a superstar in the seduction and pickup community. There are jewels of advice scattered throughout the book, but the true value is in the storytelling. It also lets the reader know what is possible for a man who just isn’t that good with women if they put forth a little effort. A great book and I would recommend it to anyone.
2.
“The Mystery Method” by Mystery, Lovedrop, and Neil Strauss. After reading “The Game”, you will naturally be curious to know and understand the methodology of it’s main superstar teacher, Mystery. This book basically tells 3/4 of everything you will ever need to know about meeting women. The other 1/4 you will learn by experience. I can’t stress how great this book is, not just for meeting girls but also for learning how to handle yourself better in social situations. If you suck with women, you need this book. If you are okay with women, you need this book to get better. If you are good with women and have never heard of this book before, get it to understand WHY you are so good. Excellent read.
3.
“She Comes First” by Ian Kerner. I read this one during an educational phase I was undertaking in my own relationship. I wanted to know how to better please and take care of the special lady in my life. If Mystery’s book teaches you how to use your mouth to be a better speaker, this book teaches you how to use your mouth to be adept at other things. Ahem, if you know what I’m saying. (I’m trying to keep it PG here!) You get the idea here. Great book.
4.
“The Way of The Superior Man” by David Deida. This book is more helpful once you are in a relationship but can also help with other areas of your life. It’s very spiritual, but also very enlightening. Deida speaks of finding your true purpose in life and letting all other things like family, love, and everything else fall into place around your true purpose. It also highlights why it’s difficult to deal with your woman sometimes, why you shouldn’t get mad when your woman tests you, and how to handle such situations. It was very enjoyable and you may have some very deep insights by the end.
5.
“Mastering Your Hidden Self” by Serge Kahili King. This book is about the ancient art of Huna. It is a form of spirituality that can enhance your current spiritual preference or stand on its own if you don’t have a spiritual preference. While the spirituality of it can be quite enlightening, the real strength of the book is it’s precepts and that “the world is what you think it is.” You can learn a lot about yourself and ways to master your life, career, and relationships from the book. I still like to read it from time to time and it gives a me a reminder that ultimately I am in control of my life and destiny. Give it a read.
These are my 5 favorites. If you don’t have them, get them! You won’t be sorry.
Clark
