The Number One Way You Can Improve Yourself Today
One of the things I am constantly trying to do in my life is improve. There are many ways to do this in each area I want to improve. If I want to lose weight, lose fat, and/or gain muscle, I know I can lift weights, do cardio, and change my diet accordingly. If I want to have more relationships I put myself in social situations and push myself to meet new people and social circles, or even just build upon the relationships I already have in my life. If I want more money, I have to either work harder or work smarter in some way to increase my income. I made these all sound very simple, and the truth is that they are not that simple. There are small steps, tactics, methods, and techniques to doing each that can very well make the process successful or not. The one way I most improve my life in anything that I undertake to do is this: READ.
If you are not reading regularly, then start. Education, and more importantly, self-education is the number one way to ensuring success or improvement in any area of your life. I have purchased and borrowed books, read blogs, looked at internet forums, and talked to people better than myself to improve in all 3 of these areas and that is how I continue to approach each one every day. I have always done this to some extent throughout my life, but I remember having an epiphany about it a while back. It came while (no surprise) I was reading!
I was reading Mark Cuban’s blog and he listed reading as possibly the biggest key to his success. He said that he thought that since every book and magazine out there was just sitting there for anyone to pick up that everyone would have all of this information and it would be worthless. But then he noticed that no one consumed the amount of information he did, and that he could compile it and come up with brilliant ideas for his business and his life. He said he still averages around 3 hours of reading time a day. I realized at that time I read a lot and that the more I read, the more valuable ideas I got. If I read AND implemented what I learned, then I got even more.
It really takes a lot of effort for some people to admit to themselves that they need to improve something in their life and sometimes twice as much to actually getting around to doing something about it. Taking the time and effort to actually get a book or do a Google search on a subject and read up on how you can improve is that first big step. If you really want to fix that nagging issue in your life, here are a few pointers:
1. Make a list of things that you are unhappy with or would like to improve. Identify which one irks you the most and make a conscious decision to get that area of your life handled and under control.
2. Begin your search: ask some friends who have conquered a similar problem, do an internet search, go to the bookstore, or drop in at the library. Find out the best book or books to read and get some information on how to improve yourself in that particular area. Buy or borrow.
3. Actually READ! Read all at once or a chapter a day, whichever you are comfortable with. If you get good ideas (which tends to happen when you’re reading), write them down and go over them at your leisure.
4. Develop a plan to implement. This could be a diet/workout regimen, a social calendar with missions to meet new people, or a plan to get a raise/start your own business.
5. Implement the plan and make observations. Experiment a little bit. Notice what works and what doesn’t and start phasing out what doesn’t. Don’t be afraid to ask someone you trust for help if you need it. If you don’t have anyone, consider getting a mentor.
6. Continue to read and feed yourself good information and come up with ideas for what you are trying to accomplish. More knowledge can only give you new perspective on your quest.
So go out, pick up a good book, and take action to making things better for yourself. It’s your life and you only get one, so make it count!
10 Ways PUAs and Pickup Theory Can Improve Your Life
I have been a fan of pickup theory and social dynamics since those first hormones hit as a teenager and I wanted to know how to increase my success with women. Back then it seemed like some magical way to interact with women and see more success in relationships. As I have gotten older, I realize that it is not magic but just common sense.
Many people bash the so-called “pickup and seduction community” without really knowing much about it. It’s unjustly called manipulation, trickery, and hypnosis; all of which imply that women are helpless victims to sleazy pickup artists. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Women are always in control and very much so have the power of choice at all times. The reason that men seem to take off and start to get success in their dating lives after learning and applying pickup is for one predominant reason only: pickup and seduction theories teach a massive amount of personal development. This makes a man more attractive and therefore much more likely to attract a female.
For the most part, it teaches men that are a little less socially and emotionally agile to become more skilled in these areas, which are usually lagging far behind the social skill and prowess that many women possess naturally.
I mention mostly men, but there are also many women that study pickup theory to benefit their own lives. In addition, most women who witness men putting pickup theory into action usually realize that not only should it not be deemed sleazy, but encouraged. When it comes down to it, it’s just a way of getting really good at basic social skills: meeting new people, forming new friendships, flirting, and building relationships.
I love pickup because it teaches constant self-improvement and consciously choosing to make yourself a more attractive and well-rounded person. Is there really any other way to live your life and get ahead?
Here are 10 things about pickup in theory and in action that I feel have helped tremendously in my own personal development:
1. It teaches you to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. How are you ever going to accomplish anything if you are always inside? You have to come out at some point to go places, meet people, and LIVE LIFE. Believe it or not just doing this alone can really boost your social and dating life.
2. You become a more social being. How many times have you gone out and not talked to a single person you didn’t know? I’ve had problems with being too introverted in the past, but every time I go out now I expect an adventure. I generously talk to strangers. I may meet the most interesting person I’ve ever met, learn something new, or make an awesome new friend just because I went out and randomly started talking to somebody on a particular night.
3. You lose any social anxiety or fear you may have had. On the tail of the last one, the key to becoming a social person is losing any fear or hang-ups you may have had about being more social in the first place. To many people, approaching a group of people you don’t know can be as terrifying as public speaking (because in a way, that’s exactly what it is!). Getting over this fear is a very liberating experience for most people.
4. You learn how to improve your physical attractiveness. A lot of men (and women!) are just a few small touches away from being very good-looking. They just don’t know how to present themselves. Pickup doctrine gives many tips and tricks to improve your looks: grooming, dress, hygiene, physical fitness, and posture are just a few.
5. You also learn how to be more attractive by developing and conveying your personality. Storytelling is probably the most important skill covered here. A big complaint about the pickup community is that they teach memorize stories and routines. In reality, this is just a way of giving shy guys who have no clue what to say to a group of people something interesting to talk about. The learning lesson is in breaking down why the stories or routines are good and applying the format and building blocks to your own life and making your own stories more interesting. This subject could very well warrant its own article from me in the near future.
6. You are taught to pursue your dreams and be what you really want to be. Who is more attractive? The guy who has given up on his dream and works the office job he hates or the guy who is passionately pursuing an acting career even though he hasn’t broken through or had real success yet? I’d be willing to bet that the latter can speak with more passion and enthusiasm about what he’s doing than the former. Passion and enthusiasm about what you do are very attractive qualities. Nuff said.
7. You become a master of reading social cues. This is one of my favorite subjects. Body language, language patterns, verbal jousting, flirting, and many other subtle but VERY IMPORTANT ways that humans communicate with or without words are covered here. More importantly you begin to understand sub-communication. I can usually read by a woman’s body language alone if she’s interested, attracted, bored, or cold to me and what I’m saying within the first couple of minutes of meeting her. I couldn’t have said this with confidence ten years ago. And this is just one example.
8. You learn the importance of inner game. Much more important than outer game, inner game is the process you take to really build your self-esteem and confidence. You learn to like yourself for who you are and really see the value that you can bring to others lives. For many people, a lack of confidence and self-belief is one of the biggest stumbling blocks they have to achieving ANY thing in their lives, let alone social and dating skills.
9. You learn how to handle rejection and failure. In making any attempt to learn social skills and approach people for the first time, there will be stumbling blocks along the way. There can be plenty of rejection, especially in the beginning. Pickup theory teaches that this should be reframed or viewed from a different perspective. Instead of an approach gone bad being referred to as a “crash-and-burn”, it’s called a “crash-and-learn”. The thing to realize is that nobody can possibly reject your value and worth as a person off of your approach alone. They simply reject the approach itself. The importance of this attitude is vital to someone trying to develop any skill in life, especially social skills. The results of any approach, good or bad, should be considered feedback. Learn from them all and try to repeat the process, improving each time.
10. Life becomes more fun! It’s so much more fun to go out and meet new people as often as possible instead of hum-drumming around the house EVERY night. Each night you go out becomes an adventure. That new social circle or special someone is out there just waiting for you to approach and show them how awesome you are. It’s up to you to get out there and do it.
Clark
